The 5 Types Of Movies You’re About To Get Sick Of

A second ‘Bumps film, Goosebumps: Horrorland, is already underway, and Stine’s other kids’ horror series, Fear Street, is potentially being made into three movies. There are about 200 Goosebumps books in total, and another 150 Fear Streets, so even if they churn out five movies a year, there’s enough source material for seven decades’ worth of PG thrillers … after which point Stine’s great-grandchildren will have written another 1,000 books about urban legend blobs that devour middle-school cafeterias, and the cycle will begin anew.

Scholastic PublishingThey’ve found it. A cinematic perpetual motion machine. The Stinerverse.

Oh, and for good measure, the screenwriter for It has been tapped to write a big-screen adaptation of the Nickelodeon Saturday night staple Are You Afraid of the Dark? It’ll be interesting to see what that guy can do with a clown that’s REALLY scary.

Nickelodeon ProductionsLegitimately more terrifying than the arm-eating monster from the R-rated movie.


Goddammit, There’s Going To Be A Joker Cinematic Universe

We all knew Heath Ledger’s landmark portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight wasn’t going to go undiluted forever. 2016’s Suicide Squad featured a much-maligned reimagining of the iconic villain as the brother Ronald McDonald doesn’t like to talk about but occasionally sends money.

Warner Bros. Pictures“Just don’t spend it on tattoos. Please.”

But even this was a brief one-off appearance, and more noteworthy for everyone ripping on Jared Leto claiming he mailed the cast used condoms and anal beads to get into character as the Joker, the Batman villain known for always doing that.

Pretending the “new” Joker never happened is about to get way tougher, though. Warner Bros. is simultaneously developing three new Joker-centric movies. There’s the Suicide Squad sequel (the first movie did make $745 million worldwide, despite its couple of faults), a standalone movie centered around the Joker’s relationship with Harley Quinn, and a Joker “origin” story directed by Todd Phillips (yes, the Hangover Todd Phillips) and produced by Martin Scorsese (forgot what he directed … Hangover 3?). The studio reportedly hopes to continue the Leto Joker as part of the connected universe, while the “origin” timeline will exist independently and allow for a different actor — Joaquin Phoenix was “in talks” — to DHL shit-covered sex toys to unsuspecting A-listers.

Warner Bros. PicturesActually, if Todd Phillips is directing, that might be a major plot point in the film.

What happens when a disgruntled Leto flips out when the Phoenix Joker movies get more popular than his? Easy: They film him mailing Phoenix dead parakeets or whatever and release that as a Paranormal Activity-style “found footage” movie in a THIRD Joker timeline. Then they shoehorn the Joker into Tomb Raider 2, do two concurrent Lego Joker movies (one for each Joker), and release Ocean’s 8 Jokers, a heist movie in which a ragtag group of Jokers teams up to pull off one last big joke. Then each of those eight Jokers gets their own Joker universe, and long story short, every single one of these movies is great.

Get to writing better sequels yourself with a beginner’s guide to Celtx.

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For more, check out 6 Annoying Movie Trends (And The Secret Reasons They Happen) and 8 Oddly Specific Trends That Will Change Movies Forever.

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